A rain to remember...

I sat impatiently in the train as the train roared through the darkness of the night from Bangalore to Ernakulam. It was indeed emblematic. I was leaving behind the dust, pollution and heat of Bangalore (heat & Bangalore!!?? – Yes I mean it) to the wet roads, green trees and flowers of Kerala. The Exotic Kerala! Pure beauty of the country side is something I always miss. I come home after years… err… months… ummm… weeks... na… days? What ever... Let me fix it in DAYS!

Half an hour plus travel from railway station to my ‘Castle’, always seems to be the longest journey of my life. The book on my lap remained unturned in the page for a long time. Taxi breaks in front of the gate. I lowered the window glass and peeped my head through.

Nothing new-fangled! The same ‘86 year old Aristocratic - Nair - domicile’ as says my grandma, mother waiting at door. All dishevel and tiredness of travel disappeared seeing her. That’s the magic of all mothers; they have that extra gift from the creator.

“Take your bath” This time also it was no different, the same welcome treatment.

Ignoring her as always, stepped to the backyard_bare footed. I love to walk bare footed, just to feel the mother earth. I love it even better when it’s raining. I looked at the sky. No sign of rain. I wish my week long vacation at least have one rainy day.

I shout at mother “When it last rained??”

“Last week!!”

“When it will rain next??”

“Yes we have opened a weather forecasting office here!” This time it was from father.

Aahh... As always I forgot to say halo to him. ;)

“Go and take your bath first” I expected this from him too.

Came inside, grandma was coming out from her room. “Had bath?”

Ooops… Is my family so ‘bathaholic’?? I finally slipped to washroom!!

Mother came to me at dining: "Today is your D.O.B!! Let's celebrate your Bday today" - we celebrate our Bday's on stars, which was already over when I was at Bangalore!

I smiled and just realised, Gosh... 25 years on planet Earth. Celebrating Silver Jubilee!!. Hurray its been long time. How massive is one year?? Its that time taken by our earth to complete one revolution around the mighty sun. So 25 years means?? umm... mighty longggg...!

I have traveled a long way. And I’m still where I began.

But I have no time to think all those stuff, just a week vacation, and my only prayer-one rainy day..err... one 'heavy' rainy day in that!

Met so many relatives. All said many thing in common "You know us?" "You never call us!" "You have time to visit all of us?" "What it take to make a phone call ?"... No one ever said, “How is your stay alone there” or "Are you happy?" "..." aahh fed up!! I thought I made mistake visiting them. The so called unrelated relatives.

Met 'lot' of old friends; excuse me just 'two'. Yeah those two means a 'lot' to me.

I always enjoy hanging out with friends: be it pulling a prank on someone or them making a fool out of themselves, friendship is that unique stuff, I could never define here. Met a few from the Engineering days too. They are the real 'Machus' of my life-the MKCE demeanors!

Celebrated Bday, Vishu, Friendship, family functions, but still Rain wasn’t in the horizon :(

Final day of my week long vacation. Bizi packing. Driver horns his arrival. Took my luggage to dicky. I waved bye to grandma. Mom and Pa followed me to station.

All the way to station I was looking at sky. Bloody sun was laughing at me.

Reached station prior one hour. Entered the platform. I never sit in waiting room. So came out, even came out of the protection of the asbestos sheets at station. Some kids were playing. I looked at them. Believe me, watching small kids playing is the best time killer. Suddenly my entire sensory organ calls me altogether. I looked at my arms. A splattered drop of water on it. As I am looking, a few more fell. Yes it was raining…

The train pulled in. Every one rushed out of the protective sheets and rushed inside. Father was shouting at me to get inside the train. I kept my luggage and stood in the doorway. I was getting wet. I didn’t care. Mom yelled from platform “Get inside…..”

I shook my head.

“Sorry mom, this rain is for me, only for me. You can’t take it away from me.”

I was getting wetter and wetter. But I wished I could get wet more. Train started with a loud whistle… I waved good bye…!!

Indeed a rain to remember!!!

A Redeeming Tale

sunday, 24 Sep, 2006, 3:11 AM

Hi,    

         

Hop both of you is pink in health...

This mail may be the last one. I said same in previous one also. But this time I’m more determined. You are no longer the girl I know. You are a wife. You have a husband & a family to look after. It’s been so long after your marriage and I believe it’s time to move on…

Yes, I agree, once we shared everything under the sky. We together made promises... but it is also very much true, that it’s only we took that painful decision to go apart. Be practical, today neither you nor I can change the clock… It’s now past!! I always believed you were more practical than me. When I dreamt of life, you only said me, real life is something else. You always told me, flirting only never make - true love. You never complained, even if I never call you for many months. You never expected that and these standards of a lover from me. You were very matured and that was what I loved best in you. You were a study book for me. But today, all of a sudden, life has gone for a somersault.

I believe you have the courage to stand this difficult time. I don’t know whether, I have? But I want you to stand. I want to learn from you even this, how to stand in these times… If you stand, I promise I can also stand… please don’t put me down!

Yes it is true; I don’t expect any more mails from you. After the marriage you haven’t given him any happiness, care that a husband would expect from his wife... It’s so cruel on your part... Never think of me... And I’m not even thinking of you these days... You are just out of my mind... Like a closed Chapter... You always told me don’t allow our families to cry of us… But today, because of you the families are worried. No regrets, as it was a decision taken together…!!

Take time…Time is the best healer.

Don’t try to reply this mail. I’m not going to read it any way... Better be a good wife... and take good care of your husband…

Good Bye!!!

An act of Redemption; the 'last' of many. The last 'mail', the last 'lie', the last 'bye'.... I have never said a 'bye' so harsh and never said 'lies' of that number..

My Inbox even today has an unread mail from her! I don't want to open it, neither delete!

Now if there's a smile on my face, It's only there trying to fool the public. But when it comes down to fooling you, no honey, that's quite a different subject.

Like a clown I pretend to be glad. Really I'm sad… I’m hurting so bad.

Slowly a fear is creeping…

"Am I losing my ground beneath…?  Am I open to all... to the public?"

"?!!"

Blame the URL of this blog!! _ I'm "on-line" 

"No.... Why this fear....."

"After all I tell stories...just stories..."

Speech of Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis..

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble.Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

"Don't be serious, be sincere." !

Very  few have  summed up   philosophy so  nicely ,  so crisply. IIT+IIM are a  different breed indeed !!!!

oNcE...

she was laughing, laughing loud... Her eyes were overwhelming with joy and tears. I saw shyness, anxiety, infatuation and what not; Everything unfolds in those vermouth eyes... I feel my phrenicus nerves were agglomerating... Felt to give the best kiss I had ever given her... Felt to romance her beautiful fingers… Everything looked auspicious to me. Felt Cupid - The Roman God of love, a counterpart of Greek Eros blessed me...

But I didn't do any of these... I just want to be part of her along with the shadows of the dusk, raised my right hand towards the beauty-spot rightly placed beneath her beautifully carved nose...

Her hands came in a close second before I was about to feel her. 

She said with smiles,

"No... later, Not now, only then... only then...!"

I smiled. "Yes, she is right. Not now..., only then" I said myself.

The storm in me died away...We end the day and walked alongside... We didn’t knew, ‘time’ was also alongside!

Years passed... And she is somebody’s now. Destiny once again brought us together…

She asked: “Why didn’t you touch me then?” 

I looked at her...Sighs!

She continued “I was waiting breathtakingly, astonishingly for that moment. Don't you heard the call from my heart? I wished to rush to your arms to feel the man in you; I wished everything from you at that instant, which I would have cherished even now! You gave me amorous glance, which took me to a place of complete bliss and delight and peace - a Shangri-la.” She was unstoppable.

I know she is desperate! Poignancy of a girl who can’t stand the ‘test of time…!’ 

The Best Burden...

Let me forget… let me forget about you, you and you..!! I want a change... The change I practiced for two years. Can't say as the season changes we also change.. when the season come back after one circle, is it  back all again?? Yes, I believe Yes, atleast in memories!

Memories are as fresh. Even today I jump to my mobile when that particular tone rings, once meant only for her.

 "why am I still keeping that tone??"I asked myself.

The answer was a big silence... One more unanswered question. My 'self'  laughed at me again!! (It was not the first time!)

Even though I'm addicted to this pain, I hate the unanswered questions. why?.. but why?That 'why' haunted me..I searched for reasons. I had reasons, hell,  lot of... but now I dont have one! Sipped a cup of coffee!Puffed one Cigarette deep...stretched myself, a deep breathe, closed eyes.......

I'm in those good old days... Everything, from candlelight dinners, soft music, slow dances, latenight walks hand by hand by the light of the moon on remote windswept beaches... 

Suddenly I felt in some unkown horizon, sombody holding me tight...and me walking along.Yes I'm with her...

"How you doing??"I asked.

She smiled as an answer!

I Hold her closer."Tell me honey, are you happy??, Does he care, like I cared you??, Does he kiss, like I kissed you?"

She looked deep into my eyes...I continued, "Does he listern, like I listerned you?, Does it feel the same..., when he calls you by name??" oh.. I was worried!! I hold her even closer, I don't want to miss her this time...

I saw tears in her eyes... Her lips shivered as though she wants to tell something...

The breeze was blowing...it started blow harder, even harder, stronger.Felt as if 'he' in search of a birth place, and no place to die... All of a sudden there was only sands and the sun look like a golden disk.. I could't see anything..totaly blind..

Everything over in few sec..!

End of fragrance, and I stood alone..!! On my knees...Crying loud!!

"Oh I always miss u..what can I say..rules must be obeyed..!" I am pathetically down.

"Is this the Best Burden??"

Phone Rings...I'm 'LIVE' again...! Back from virtual world...

Hell the same old tone!!I cursed and took the phone.

"Hello sir, This is Neha, from City Bank Credit Cards....Blah blah blah.... & more blah, blah, blahs..!!" I didn't hear any thing what she said..

I said: "Happy Valentine's Day"

She: "hmm..ahh...Ta..thank u Sir, But..me..!!??..."

I cancelled the call.......!

I still remember you....

I still remember you, once in a while. There were days when I never had to remember since you were always there. Every now and then, everyday. Blame it on time. Blame me. Blame the realization that you never gonna be mine. Like an unfinished dream, you came, you touched my heart, you vanished. I never searched for you even though my mind always did. May be I am afraid to hear the truth, which I fear ruin the ending even though not a happy one. I still remember you, always when I wear the mask of sympathy, concreting the obvious torments and always when I feel I am alone. Your thoughts always spread a melancholy at heart, some time sweet otherwise dry. The same dryness which I felt when you left. I still remember you, your voice, your smile. I was innocent, I believe you were. You took me to a magical world, a world filled with dreams and happiness. I lost to you and atlast I lost you. Your words never obstinate me from the facts. Darn with the society, damn me. Believe me this is another monologue of heart, this time my hands were free, which usually busy wiping off the tears, copied the logs to this blog. This is for you my beloved, only for you because I still remember you.

OOps!!Never get confused..I juzt found these words romantic and touchy..so just copied..!!U all knoe..Im nt of tat sort!!ahh....!