Tuesday, April 21

A rain to remember...

I sat impatiently in the train as the train roared through the darkness of the night from Bangalore to Ernakulam. It was indeed emblematic. I was leaving behind the dust, pollution and heat of Bangalore (heat & Bangalore!!?? – Yes I mean it) to the wet roads, green trees and flowers of Kerala. The Exotic Kerala! Pure beauty of the country side is something I always miss. I come home after years… err… months… ummm… weeks... na… days? What ever... Let me fix it in DAYS!

Half an hour plus travel from railway station to my ‘Castle’, always seems to be the longest journey of my life. The book on my lap remained unturned in the page for a long time. Taxi breaks in front of the gate. I lowered the window glass and peeped my head through.

Nothing new-fangled! The same ‘86 year old Aristocratic - Nair - domicile’ as says my grandma, mother waiting at door. All dishevel and tiredness of travel disappeared seeing her. That’s the magic of all mothers; they have that extra gift from the creator.

“Take your bath” This time also it was no different, the same welcome treatment.

Ignoring her as always, stepped to the backyard_bare footed. I love to walk bare footed, just to feel the mother earth. I love it even better when it’s raining. I looked at the sky. No sign of rain. I wish my week long vacation at least have one rainy day.

I shout at mother “When it last rained??”

“Last week!!”

“When it will rain next??”

“Yes we have opened a weather forecasting office here!” This time it was from father.

Aahh... As always I forgot to say halo to him. ;)

“Go and take your bath first” I expected this from him too.

Came inside, grandma was coming out from her room. “Had bath?”

Ooops… Is my family so ‘bathaholic’?? I finally slipped to washroom!!

Mother came to me at dining: "Today is your D.O.B!! Let's celebrate your Bday today" - we celebrate our Bday's on stars, which was already over when I was at Bangalore!

I smiled and just realised, Gosh... 25 years on planet Earth. Celebrating Silver Jubilee!!. Hurray its been long time. How massive is one year?? Its that time taken by our earth to complete one revolution around the mighty sun. So 25 years means?? umm... mighty longggg...!

I have traveled a long way. And I’m still where I began.

But I have no time to think all those stuff, just a week vacation, and my only prayer-one rainy day..err... one 'heavy' rainy day in that!

Met so many relatives. All said many thing in common "You know us?" "You never call us!" "You have time to visit all of us?" "What it take to make a phone call ?"... No one ever said, “How is your stay alone there” or "Are you happy?" "..." aahh fed up!! I thought I made mistake visiting them. The so called unrelated relatives.

Met 'lot' of old friends; excuse me just 'two'. Yeah those two means a 'lot' to me.

I always enjoy hanging out with friends: be it pulling a prank on someone or them making a fool out of themselves, friendship is that unique stuff, I could never define here. Met a few from the Engineering days too. They are the real 'Machus' of my life-the MKCE demeanors!

Celebrated Bday, Vishu, Friendship, family functions, but still Rain wasn’t in the horizon :(

Final day of my week long vacation. Bizi packing. Driver horns his arrival. Took my luggage to dicky. I waved bye to grandma. Mom and Pa followed me to station.

All the way to station I was looking at sky. Bloody sun was laughing at me.

Reached station prior one hour. Entered the platform. I never sit in waiting room. So came out, even came out of the protection of the asbestos sheets at station. Some kids were playing. I looked at them. Believe me, watching small kids playing is the best time killer. Suddenly my entire sensory organ calls me altogether. I looked at my arms. A splattered drop of water on it. As I am looking, a few more fell. Yes it was raining…

The train pulled in. Every one rushed out of the protective sheets and rushed inside. Father was shouting at me to get inside the train. I kept my luggage and stood in the doorway. I was getting wet. I didn’t care. Mom yelled from platform “Get inside…..”

I shook my head.

“Sorry mom, this rain is for me, only for me. You can’t take it away from me.”

I was getting wetter and wetter. But I wished I could get wet more. Train started with a loud whistle… I waved good bye…!!

Indeed a rain to remember!!!

Wednesday, April 1

A Redeeming Tale

sunday, 24 Sep, 2006, 3:11 AM



Hop both of you is pink in health...

This mail may be the last one. I said same in previous one also. But this time I’m more determined. You are no longer the girl I know. You are a wife. You have a husband & a family to look after. It’s been so long after your marriage and I believe it’s time to move on…

Yes, I agree, once we shared everything under the sky. We together made promises... but it is also very much true, that it’s only we took that painful decision to go apart. Be practical, today neither you nor I can change the clock… It’s now past!! I always believed you were more practical than me. When I dreamt of life, you only said me, real life is something else. You always told me, flirting only never make - true love. You never complained, even if I never call you for many months. You never expected that and these standards of a lover from me. You were very matured and that was what I loved best in you. You were a study book for me. But today, all of a sudden, life has gone for a somersault.

I believe you have the courage to stand this difficult time. I don’t know whether, I have? But I want you to stand. I want to learn from you even this, how to stand in these times… If you stand, I promise I can also stand… please don’t put me down!

Yes it is true; I don’t expect any more mails from you. After the marriage you haven’t given him any happiness, care that a husband would expect from his wife... It’s so cruel on your part... Never think of me... And I’m not even thinking of you these days... You are just out of my mind... Like a closed Chapter... You always told me don’t allow our families to cry of us… But today, because of you the families are worried. No regrets, as it was a decision taken together…!!

Take time…Time is the best healer.

Don’t try to reply this mail. I’m not going to read it any way... Better be a good wife... and take good care of your husband…

Good Bye!!!

An act of Redemption; the 'last' of many. The last 'mail', the last 'lie', the last 'bye'.... I have never said a 'bye' so harsh and never said 'lies' of that number..

My Inbox even today has an unread mail from her! I don't want to open it, neither delete!

Now if there's a smile on my face, It's only there trying to fool the public. But when it comes down to fooling you, no honey, that's quite a different subject.

Like a clown I pretend to be glad. Really I'm sad… I’m hurting so bad.

Slowly a fear is creeping…

"Am I losing my ground beneath…?  Am I open to all... to the public?"


Blame the URL of this blog!! _ I'm "on-line" 

"No.... Why this fear....."

"After all I tell stories...just stories..."