The First Love

I started forgetting her. I don't know how she looked like, not very well.

Years blew over.

I remembered her when I picked up this book.

Like an unread inland letter, Like a speechless play,

Like the calmness in the deep ocean, Like an unknown desert,

Like a window opened to eternity, Like a back door retreat,

Like a tremble in the breeze, Like a reflection in the mirror,

Like a silent song, Like the beauty of shh,

Like the lesion of my heart, Like a fallen leaf in spring...

Like an aviated bubble, which bust in mos.

Salvo. Aggh, the first love.

I remember very well.

Conversation were minimal, we liked it that way.

That One Lover!!

Why you asked me to love,

Holding my debile fingers,

Even after knowing, you will get

A more forte lover than me?

Why so when you know,

I have a broken heart,

Which is bleeding and

Have nothing more to give?

Why you came so far,

Searching only for me?

Dead in the memories, I have

Kept nothing for you to give.

Allas all these, I knew

You will come one day.

I used to remind myself,

You are there some far far away.

But walking through the darkness,

In this balmy moonlight night,

Oh, my dear death,

I never expected you tonight.

Aghh... then I relaxed to myself.

There is one lover, the only lover,

We all can expect for sure,

And her arrival is placid.

"Does those leaves got wet?"

The wind was blowing. Like mad.

But I wonder why the leaves in those trees were unshaken?

"Can that happen?"

"No. It can’t." I said to myself.

I asked my Grandma.

She showed me Colocasia leaves.

She carefully poured water all over it.

"Does those leaves got wet?" She asked me.

She smiled at my speechlessness and walked away...

Reeling through the reels of life.

Its been one year since I wrote something here. I was destitute of imagination/need/encouragement? Don’t know. I believe I was just lazy. Do I have anything in my mind to write? Nopes.. nothing as of now. May be I have a lot of things inside me which I don’t want to write. Between those white patches of clouds I see outside reminds me of reverberating proclamation of peace. And the fog, its just the reflection of those clouds. Why I am talking about peace? What is peace to me? Ok, let me make it clear, its just another word which just echoed around me. Just like that.

Again, I stumbled at one point. I realized at the next. Slithering back to me, the earlier position. Why am i writing? Because I am expected to? Because I want to? Because I am forced to? None of above, Because I love to & Because I am more expressive while writing. Everyone need to let out their emotions, feelings in one way or another. Its not necessary that what you write is your life but its always necessary that it has you in it, in one way or another.. at least as a spectator. Hmm… mostly as a spectator. Reeling through the reels of life, these writings are just the tip of the iceberg. Alas, if I could show the submersed part. Yes, a shit load of happiness and inaccurately flowing river of sorrows.

Right now bowing in front of amazingly undefinable voice of Pandit Bhimsen Joshi. Now his voice will spread peace in heaven.

Dont know, when next.

You... Complete me!

"So I never felt her absence."

In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop, grass grew on sidewalks. The life too busy. My stiff collors wilted by nine in the morning. Thats what life demands. A day was 24hours long but seemed much longer. Hurry hours, for there was no where to go. "Jeena Yehaan, Marna Yehaan iske siwa jaana kahaa!!" Sung this song n-number of times.

Nothing to buy, nothing to see outside the boundaries. Nothing to fear, but fear itself. Enjoying life secretly, without even letting life know about it. The most revolutionary act one can commit - To be happy. Yes I'm happy, though I miss lot which life knowingly kept hiding. Life said 'Mutual feelings'

Home, Occasionally. Friends, Never. Coffee, Being a life saver, no way. School/college, thats my own nostalgia. Love, I love 'milkmaid'. Travel, I know good travelers are not planners. Alas, nothing of this sort is a miss to me.

I keep denying the truth that I don't know that what is it that gnaws at me all time.

Searched. Explored. Checked. Didn't find. Failed.

Out of the blue, in a dream the other night, I found out. Yes it was You.

Along the road of truth "I miss her absence." Realized, you are the meanest and loveliest person God has ever blown air into.

Yes, You... Complete me, and I miss You.

Something that is Remembered.

Some body just hit me with a memory pillow. I'm quite scared now. I'm shattered. Yes yet again.

I was wrong. Thought I came out of everything. Not yet, feel atleast in this lff I can't. I'm sure. The heart that truly love never forgets. I love being positive. When someone you love become a memory, that memory become a treasure. *Sigh*